Writing a Memo to Sort Out Your Feelings Before Confessing
If you run “Should I confess, or not?” through your head 100 times, you will not reach a conclusion; you will just lose sleep. To tell vague fluttering from real feelings, you need to take it out of your head and put it on paper. A phone memo app is fine, but writing by hand is better if you can.
| Section | Key summary |
|---|---|
| Introduction | A phone memo app is fine, but writing by hand is better if you can |
| First, set a 3-minute timer and pour out only your emotions | Before analyzing anything, empty out your raw feelings first |
| Then answer the 5-box questions | Box 1: What do I like about this person? |
| Polish your confession line in the memo too | Once your feelings are clearer, write down what you would actually say |
| Before confessing, check the reason behind your feelings | The stronger the urge to confess, the more tangled your thoughts become |
First, set a 3-minute timer and pour out only your emotions
Before analyzing anything, empty out your raw feelings first. Set a 3-minute timer and write down whatever words come to mind without worrying about spelling or polishing the sentences. Honest lines like “I feel comfortable when we’re together,” “I notice when they don’t message me,” or “But I’m scared of being rejected” are enough.
Then answer the 5-box questions
- Box 1: What do I like about this person? (Not looks or conditions, but 3 actions — for example: “They listen to me until the end without interrupting.”)
- Box 2: Write down just 5 moments from the past 2 weeks when you thought of this person. (Use specific scenes.)
- Box 3: If the confession goes well, what will we be doing one week later? (One imagined sentence.)
- Box 4: What scares me most about being rejected? (Example: “I’m afraid things will get awkward and I won’t be able to go to the same gatherings.”)
- Box 5: Even if that fear becomes reality, will I be okay one month later? (Yes/no + one line explaining why.)
Once you fill all 5 boxes, Box 2 will reveal whether this is a vague crush or a real feeling for that person. If all 5 scenes that come to mind are only “they looked pretty” or “they seemed popular,” it is likely still admiration. On the other hand, if scenes like “they stayed by my side when I was having a hard time” are mixed in, your feelings are quite deep.
Polish your confession line in the memo too
Once your feelings are clearer, write down what you would actually say. If you only practice out loud, you may get nervous in the moment and go blank after saying, “I like you.” To reduce pressure, it is better to end with words that express your feelings rather than words that evaluate the other person.
- Recommended: “Lately, I feel most comfortable and happy when I’m with you. I’d like to become closer than friends. How do you feel?”
- Recommended: “I’m not trying to pressure you, but I wanted to be honest about how I feel. I like you.”
- Avoid: “Someone like you should be fine dating me.” (Evaluation and self-importance → discomfort)
- Avoid: “Are we dating or not?” (Forcing a choice → pressure)
Before confessing, check the reason behind your feelings
The stronger the urge to confess, the more tangled your thoughts become. First pour out your emotions, then separate whether you like this person themselves or the situation of feeling excited. When specific scenes you shared come to mind, the direction of your feelings becomes clearer.
Writing your confession line on paper also reduces the pressure. Rather than cornering the other person, leave room with a sentence like, “I’ve come to like you, and I don’t want to pressure you, but I wanted to tell you how I feel.”